Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Pirate Eucharist??????

I know. It sounds like the stupidest thing you've ever heard. Sadly, it is not, but it certainly ranks on the list of wannabees. An entire Eucharist, Rite II, translated into pirate talk. God becomes the Admiral, Jesus the Cap'n, and death Davy Jone's Locker. It gets worse from there. Think about having to roll your tongue every time the word are (arrr) comes up, ye scurvy dogs!

If you must, here is the link to read the service: http://www.sjmp.com/pirategloria.pdf. Fortunately, no one has embarrassed us yet by putting it on YouTube. And, as far as I know, the only place it has actually been celebrated is Trinity Cathedral in Sacramento. I'm sure I am wrong about that, though.

Maybe I've missed something, but the last time I thought about pirates, it was those murderous thugs who have been off the coast of Africa. Nothing "yo ho ho" about that crowd. Johnny Depp will not be playing one of them in a movie any time soon.

I suppose someone thought that this would be a good idea for the kids. Well, it's not. They don't need to be pandered to with this amount of asininity. If you think the Eucharist isn't reaching them, try having a decent children's sermon and some hymns they like. Wave banners. Invite them to stand around you at the consecration. Treat them like you care about them (radical, I know). You can even simplify the language.

But this Pirate Eucharist does none of that. It distorts what is going on here into being a game. It teaches them nothing about who God is. Worse, it glorifies a life that none of us would wish our kids to have.

Mind you, I have nothing against play, and I probably played pirates as a child, so no, I don't think this will irreparably harm them. But right now, the word pirate is once again a part of current vocabulary, and it's not a good thing. And, anyway, what does this have to do with the Eucharist???!!!

And, for the record, I've done youth ministry for decades, and that has included many unorthodox ideas. I celebrated in the middle of a dance. I've celebrated on beaches, in the woods, all sorts of places. I changed language to fit the occasion, and I am sure that many things I have done would seem gimmicky to somebody. But they all had a particular purpose in a particular community. The purpose of this eludes me.

I am sure someone will tell me that I am simply being too hard. "Lighten up." Well, it's not going to happen. This is a bad idea that needs to go away. Soon. Please relegate it to the same hell as the clown Eucharist--but that's a rant for a different day.

4 comments:

piedmont_greendem said...

This is one of the most..."blarney" things I've heard of! Diverse world, I guess.

cnix said...

Sigh! We live in such a literal world. The Pirate Eucharist is SATIRE! Satire pokes fun at something by taking it to a ridiculous extreme. What is being made fun of is NOT the Eucharist, but rather the whole genre of "themed" Eucharists like the Clown Eucharist, etc.
Unfortunately, you didn't get the joke! The author of the Pirate Eucharist is a respected church music publisher of very mainstream Episcopal music, who clearly from his books thinks that a number of things going on right now are silly, and does his part at pointing that out.

Jonathan E. Quist said...

I realize I'm late to the table, but setting aside the whimsical nature of the Pirate Eucharist, it strikes me that real swash-buckling, plank-walking pirates (well, okay, plank-walk-inducing) are, if anything, as sorely in need of redemption as the rest of us... I'll not be one to hinder them, for to such belong, uh, well, I suppose a chest of plunder.

Ever have one of those days where your metaphors go all wrong?

Will Linden said...

More foaming from the humor-impaired.


And I DID like the Gloria.